Tonight I will be who I am. The woman with the dark red lipstick, face-beat makeup, and perfume that whispers, “Take me, please.”
The woman in my oval mirror looks back at me as she adjusts her beautiful cream-colored pearls worn four layers down her neck into the curve where her breasts divide. With her ears adorned with large hoop earrings that barely caress the tips of her shoulders, she looks back at me as though mocking me publicly with a question I cannot answer.
The wall is thin. I can hear my children breathing heavily in the room next to me. Some nights, the youngest of the three somehow senses when mummy walks past his room. Some nights, he wakes up too. Hopefully, not tonight.
Hannah needed a child. Her heart bled for a child. Nothing else could comfort her. Nothing else could make her laugh. Give her a thousand gifts, she wanted none. Her husband tried, but he wasted time. Wasted gifts. Wasted words. All rejected.
“Hannah!” Elkanah called to her one day. “Look at me, please. Am I not better to you than ten sons?” he whispered into her ear.
There was no response. Echoes of unanswered questions remained.
She must have turned away from him, flinching with guilt. Red-faced. Sullen. Angry — not at him, but at herself. She did not know why she had these feelings.
Every day, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her rival Peninah, who not only had sons but daughters. She saw her laughter. She craved her joy. She was jealous of her fullness. And when she thought about herself, what did she have? Only gifts from her husband. No children.
Today is the perfect day to unveil a very important principle; something we should all have in our back-pockets as we go along on this journey.
I was praying this morning when I began to proclaim what I call “positive affirmations” over my life and my family’s. As I uttered words filled with power, I began to feel a big fire burn within my heart, and I just knew instantly that it was God Himself confirming the words I was proclaiming into existence.
The fire burning in my heart seemed to be coming from somewhere deep down in my soul; a very unusual, deep-rooted and unquenchable fire. As I continued to speak, I knew there was no lesser force on earth that could ever extinguish it. Continue reading →
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